If you really do love her, don’t look away, no matter what happens.
no matter what you see,
no matter what you learn about her,
don’t look away.
once you decide you love someone, that’s your responsibility.
Yagiri Seiji ~ Durarara!!!
Once you decide you love someone, that’s your responsibility. Indeed. We are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel (Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes). It is our own choice whether we decide to stay or leave. It is our own choice to be brave or to turn out to be a coward and leave. If someone leaves for learning something bad from you, he loves himself more than anyone. If someone leaves even though he loves you so much, it’s simple: he’s not for you.
However, life does not only consist of one circumstance. The longer we live, the more we learn about ‘circumstances’ – this happens only if you use your ‘eyes’ to see. Loving is not necessarily possessing. If you love someone, that’s your own responsibility, not his or anyone’s responsibility. He does not need to stay as you do. He may have the one he loves too, just like you. Love does not need to reciprocate. If it does, then, how many hearts will be broken? Sometimes we are deceived by our desire to posses the one we dear the most. We are eager to see whether he/she feels the same with us. In this case, do you still love him/her? Or is it the reflection of your love to yourself that’s getting awfully bigger? You love yourself that you don’t want your soul to be alone.
Human being is so selfish. They sometimes disguise their feeling as if it is for others. Some do this on purpose. But many do this unconsciously. Even the most faithful lover you know may only be faithful for his own sake. He is faithful in keeping his love for himself. He is afraid to lose the one he loves. He is afraid of being alone. In the end, he is afraid of hurting his own soul so that he traps other just to ease his feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness? In the midst of the town’s crowd? It does not make any sense, really. Loneliness is often mistaken as the feeling of losing people surround you. But it is not that they leave you. You just shut your door and do not let anyone in. There, you blame others for leaving you. Really. It’s cracking me. Here, you are being irresponsible for your own feeling. Now, you are just being delusional. Loneliness is the state of you closing your heart for others. You may feel responsible, but don’t get carried away. Don’t take the responsibility if you cannot bear the outcome. Don’t take the responsibility if you are not prepared for the worst. Strong heart is prepared for either the best or the worst. If things are not going right, fix it. If you can’t, face it. Admitting defeat can be a solution, though it’s a bitter one. Loving others is for those brave hearted people. Loving others is for those strong souls can do.
Still, soul may be in an eternal searching for its half. Human is unbelievably weak. Their souls need to find another soul that he can call as home. Some find theirs, many surrender halfway, and some cannot find them in the rest of their life. Those who surrender halfway are a weak willed hearts who love themselves more than anyone else. Surely, no one will get closer while they are desperately pleading and questioning why no one comes. Those who cannot find their halves are those who look for perfection. They look for those without flaw, those that never exist in the world, thus they can never find. These persons never learn that they do not deserve for perfection while they are full of flaws. These persons are conceited persons that cannot see let alone acknowledge his weaknesses. These persons are blindly in love with themselves. (And I, make judgment subjectively regardless many probable circumstances, lol)
Then, how to find it? Beats me. Logically, it should have something to do with –again- responsibility. Once you decide you love someone, that’s your responsibility. No matter what happens, no matter what you see, no matter what you learn about him/her, you won’t look away. Someone may show up at last, say that he/she loves you and will take the responsibility of loving you. Or maybe it’s you that confess your feeling to someone, say that you will be responsible, taking care of him/her, and won’t look away no matter happens. Either way, congratulations, you’ve found your half, the only one that you could possess. The only one you could embrace. The only one that will take the responsibility for loving you.
But how if that uncompleted soul declined? Loving others is those strong and brave souls can do. Soul that is prepared to get the worst of being rejected. Soul who realizes that others can learn about his flaws. Soul who understands that love is not only about his own feeling. Soul who knows that responsibility can have an expiry. You can terminate it and start over a new one. Eventually, your true half will come to you and will prolong your responsibility that you should aware. Someone who will fill your days with more and more responsibilities. Someone who will grow older with you. Someone who thinks that he needs to grow his love despite of days by days learning your strengths and weaknesses. Someone that you need to stay with while learning his strengths and weaknesses. Someone that you think you will spend your days with. It’s a long story, indeed. That’s why, loving others is only for brave and strong souls.
Please, evolve, my friend. Your responsibility is over. It’s a direct message for you. Not a mere code that you think your beloved has sent you. Face the reality and keep moving forward. Ganbatte! 🙂